Why go somewhere that would feed me when I could go somewhere to be fed?
A little context on this photo. Last night, I made a choice about focus. About what it means to say no to one thing so you can say yes to something that actually aligns with where you want to spend your energy.
I had RSVPed to a lecture featuring Monica Miller, who wrote the book that inspired this year’s Met Gala theme and the first series I’m writing on my Substack. I had her on my radar for a while, knew I wanted to see her speak, maybe ask a few questions. But when the day rolled around, I almost didn’t go. My friend, who I invited to dodge going solo, dropped out last minute. Then I got an invite to a seated and super mixxy Black History Month dinner. A tempting out.
But I thought…mixxy for what? (sn: I almost read that in my Nice for What Drake voice, but let’s be clear that it’s still Team Kendrick all day.) The dinner sounded great, but it wasn’t the mixxy I wanted. I didn’t need to go just to be out. I could go somewhere that would actually invigorate me. So I went to the lecture. I don’t have FOMO about missing dinner. And I got to speak to theee Dr. Miller about her work AND mine.
A little moment of focus. A little win.
What I learned materially, I think, is worth sharing here. Because did I even take the time to talk about what dandyism is before starting this series? I don’t think so.
The way Miller defined dandyism in this panel was as someone who studies, above all else, how to dress fashionably. She offered the history of Ellen and William Craft, a couple who plotted their emancipation through elevated clothing. Ellen, the wife, was fair enough to pass, so they disguised her as a wealthy white woman and her husband as her servant. Together, they bought boat tickets and passage fare all the way to freedom. They were able to get away with it because they looked the part.
There was this continued emphasis, in that and the other examples she gave, on dandyism as resistance. As emancipation. As owning your body and having the freedom to decide where you want that body to be.
I also love that when she was asked about being a fashion historian, she politely but pointedly corrected the moderator (the lovely Elizabeth Way) and mentioned that she was a cultural historian who loooooves fashion. But by loving fashion, she explained, that means she must remember the body. And what happens when the body is in the clothing? How can you talk about Black bodies without talking about all these different layers of complexity?
Lest you think this is a full Monica Miller fangirl session (which, honestly, it could be), one of the other panelists, Lana Turner, was someone I can only describe as the epitome of living expansively through dress. I shamefully missed part of her wonderfully prepared slides because I was trying to get cell service in the auditorium to look up more of her outfits. I can't remember the last time I was this delighted by someone's outfit. I texted my girlfriends, This is how I dress in my dreams.
Anyway, the event was great, and I’m happy I went. Have a great weekend.
~ Becca